This society is evil, as evil as it can be for girls who don’t find the courage to stand up for themselves at places that they should. The same happened with me, my 18 year old self who never had the courage to speak up for the injustice that happened with me and I have been living in that emotional turmoil since the past two years.
This is nothing short of a torture to pen it down. I was a happy-go-lucky young girl, who despite of going through a lot of emotional and physical abuse, had the courage to live life to the fullest. Belonging to a nearly broken family, the only person I thought of as a father was my uncle. Never getting the attention I craved from my father, resorted me to find happiness in the little compliments from my uncle. Little did I know that reaching puberty will never be the same for me.
Growing up in a somewhat joint family had its perks. At one hand, when I couldn’t get the love from my father, my uncle was there for my support. During his work break he visited us from Saudi Arabia, I felt like flying above the skies due to the attention he showered. However, as I touched my 18th year, everything changed. I noticed a change in his behaviour and attitude. I noticed his snide remarks, improper touching, and inappropriate closeness. Call it my love for him or the slightest hope that I could be wrong, I let that all slip through my mind; terming them as my imagination.
However, one day, when I was sleeping he came to my room and tried to abuse me. But, went away when he saw me responding. Compared to that day and today, I have never found the courage to face myself or him for that matter. I never found the guts to tell my mother that the person whom she thinks of as her brother, is nothing short of a pedophile.
That day and today, I fear finding myself alone with him, I fear getting close to him even if he is trying to be all fatherly in front of everyone. I fear if I am left alone with him, something bad would happen.
I thought of telling my mother about this a lot of times, but talked myself out of it. What would I tell her? The woman who finds peace in thinking that there is a person who might just be someone little similar to a father for her daughters, does she deserve to hear the truth? Let’s suppose if I tell her, what would she respond with? The only answer that I know would be an apology, seeking to stay quite. She would be completely justified and right at her position, because if my uncle could try to take advantage of me, then why wouldn’t this society, thinking that there is no father by my side.
The only question that comes in my mind is; did I not deserve the chance to seek that fatherly attention just for once? Was I wrong to give my uncle the position of my father?