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The ordeal of self love – A personal journey

By: Mishal Waqar

Mental Health – one of the biggest issues in our society now a days. Being an obese child from the beginning I was always taunted and bullied for my weight, moreover I had a skin problem called, eczema which made my skin itchy and red most of the times and throughout my childhood I had to face my friends and class fellows with utter embarrassment since they used to look at me with such awe. The medicines used to cure it made me a plus sized girl. It is a disease which can never get cured in your body but you just have to treat it right every time. Insecurities and feeling less of myself started beginning in me when I was in primary grades, I started talking less and avoided people while growing up. Where every other girl started making her social media accounts and posted flawless pictures and there I was not even ready to face my own self in the mirror. I was tired and embarrassed of everyone looking at me with a hundred questions in their minds; most of them would look at me with misery in their eyes which shattered my self-confidence. I was never a normal teenager who used to go out with friends and got the most beautiful pictures. I used to stay at home just to avoid facing people. Being comfortable in my own skin was something I completely lost.

It is said that talking about something makes it easier, but was there anyone I could really talk to?

We grow up in a society where whenever a child tells their parents that they are depressed, it comes back with counter attacks, because while growing up it was always told to us that kids never get depressed, they never get headaches, “go eat something you’ll be fine”, “you’re doing this just because you don’t want to study”, “why don’t you switch to easier modes of studies” My grades completely went down, and I became more of an embarrassment for my parents. I can’t blame them because Where every fellow of my age was flaunting themselves with achievements and grades, I was depressed about my skin and my weight and I knew I can never succeed which greatly affected my education at school. You can never achieve anything unless you have a will for it? But what did I have? No help, no mental support, it was me and my shattering self-confidence and insecurities like feeling less of myself in front of other girls of my age.

After a few years, I started writing personal diary and expressing my feelings, that was the time where I realized that there is no one who can keep you happy if you don’t want to be happy. So what if I had flaws? Everyone has flaws and this thing is not going to keep me back from achieving and fulfilling my dreams. “Better late than never”. I got admission in one of the most reputable universities in my city, and there it was, my self-confidence came back when I stopped caring about what people thought of me, I started glowing, my skin got better, I’m still overweight,  and have a little flawed skin, I’ve heard people saying that who’s going to marry you with that weight? But that doesn’t stop me from being who I am. I can’t still think what the other person thinks of me or I will never be able to move forward in my life and keep everything behind.  I’m actually doing so much better in my studies and working at a reputable organization and I couldn’t be thankful enough

The big point of telling my story is that issues like insecurities and lack of confidence grows in a child if they are not addressed and treated properly. Not every child has resources and energy to face the society and even themselves. But there is one thing I know, the day you start loving yourself and putting yourself before others is the day you will start overcoming everything that has been keeping you behind. Everyone is beautiful and everyone is able to achieve their dreams. Mental health issues are real and this is the time where we should stop thinking about what the society thinks and start addressing these issues or else a lot of beautiful souls will be ruined because of us and our ancient flawed values. We should normalize it that every shape is beautiful, every colour is beautiful, every person is beautiful. It is never easy to talk and it took a lot of courage to come forward and talk about something which I haven’t even mentioned with my closest friends, but this is about time, no one should stay behind because of the perceptions of others. It is you only who is going to take you up and high with success.

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