It’s ok to not be alright at 5 am and have nobody around you. It’s okay to find all your cushions useless because you find it impossible to cry and let them comfort you. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to stop breathing for a few seconds to tell yourself that it will soon be over and it is also okay to close your eyes for hours and live in a delusion.
It is okay to accept that you are an individual with no authority of any sort. It is okay to spend an hour crying under the shower. It is okay to throw away your favourite shirt and regret it later on and it is okay to delete your favourite memory from the laptop.
You know what’s not okay? The fact that you want to live in an oblivion and pretend to be strong enough. It is not okay to deny your fears and your insecurities. It is not okay to keep on telling yourself to not cry because you will be embarrassed.
What isn’t okay is that you let yourself down in your own eyes because you are not being honest to yourself. Being sensitive, insecure and hurt will make you weak in front of others but when the time comes you will be the strongest one because you won’t have the the fear of getting embarrassed in front of those who don’t matter.