Though it’s no fun, it’s perfectly normal and even healthy to get angry when you’re in a relationship. When you spend a lot of time with someone, conflicts come up, no matter how in love or happy you are. There’s a lot of ways to let out your anger, and some are better than others. Read on for some tips on expressing your anger while maintaining a healthy, strong relationship.
It’s easy to lash out in the heat of the moment.
Take a moment to breathe. Go on a walk around the block. Meditate or watch an episode of a funny TV show. Regain control of your mind so it doesn’t get carried away with anger. By addressing the situation from a calmer mindset, you can figure out what’s really upsetting you and determine the most respectful way to address it.
Understand why you’re angry before confronting your partner.
Write down why you’re upset in a journal to understand your emotions. Read back what you wrote to look for signs or triggers that may have set you off. You can also try venting to a trusted friend or family member to get a better handle on what may have angered you.
- Processing your emotions first helps you come to the conversation with a clear head. That way, you can be specific about what’s upsetting you.
- You may also realize that your anger is masking another underlying emotion, like hurt or rejection. If that’s the case, share those feelings with your partner.
- Sometimes, outside factors can impact how angry you feel, too—like being hungry, tired, or in pain.
Communicate your feelings in a direct, respectful way.
It’s nerve-wracking to confront someone, but it gives your partner a chance to understand your point of view and even remedy the situation. Tell your partner how you feel and be specific. Avoid being passive-aggressive or waiting for them to notice you’re upset.
- Start the conversation with something like, “I wanted to let you know that I was pretty hurt by what you said the other day.”
- Follow with specifics, like how their words made you feel. Maybe your partner was teasing you but what they said really stung. Try, “I know you were kidding, but what you said made me feel pretty disrespected.”
- Try addressing the problem as soon as it comes up. That might help it from turning into full-blown anger.