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An open letter about loving someone with anxiety.

I have anxiety. Anxiety is selfish, and therefore sometimes it makes me feel selfish. I have to put my anxiety first, and therefore you must too. I try not to be demanding but anxiety is demanding and therefore it makes me that way too. I will need you to be supportive and help me through the challenges of this mental illness.

First of all, it is essential to understand that certain things are off limit to me; this shadow of anxiety I carry with me makes me incapable of doing some things that a normal person would do. If you like festivals and social gatherings, you need to know, sometimes the thought of going makes me step back and cancel plans last minute. Sometimes I go and I am fine but other times I tend to panic and separate myself from the crowd because it becomes hard to breathe. It suffocates me. Just know, those are the times I need you to reassure me and be there for me. I need you to tell me it’s okay and i’ll be fine. Don’t let me send myself into an endless spiral of guilt tripping because I don’t choose when it hits me. . I’ll need to know that this is something you can do for me and know I’d do the same for you.

If you love to travel, just know sometimes it makes me anxious. From the process of the journey, to the flight. From making arrangements to getting lost in a new city. As much as I love exploring, my anxiety holds me back sometims. The fear of the unknown makes me tremble inside. 

I like visiting other countries, but in order for me to go with you I need to know a few things. If something went wrong could you calm me down? I need to know that you’ll ensure me we’ll figure it out, and stay with me.

Don’t lose your patience with me. Don’t make me feel alone. I need to know you’d put me first above anything.

I’ll need you to choose me. When I grip your arm or hand tightly, squeeze it back and know that I’m not okay. If I have a panic attack in the middle of the night, sit up with me even if you’re tired and don’t let me deal with it on my own.

Sometimes I’ll lash out. I’ll get upset with why I’m feeling that way, why I have so many restrictions enforced on my brain, and when you don’t understand how I’m feeling. Just remind me to breathe because sometimes I forget it’s okay to not be okay.

Most of all, please don’t give up on me. Even though I even drive myself insane and get frustrated with myself sometimes, I hope you don’t. I hope you can ground me, take care of me and just remind me I am worthy. I hope you can still love me more each day and not resent me for dealing with something I never wanted.

Until next time.

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