FHM Breeze

Giving relationships another chance: if it didn’t work then, it never will

We have all been in relationships that looked so good, felt so right, but ultimately didn’t work out.

I met him through a friend, and as cliche as it may seem, it was love at first sight. I didn’t believe in cliches back then. In fact we both didn’t, but our beliefs didn’t matter, in matters like these the heart couldn’t resist.

He promised to be more committed, to love me like no one else could, and to make an effort when things got rough instead of running away. His confidence coupled with his fear of losing me was so evident in his expressions that I couldn’t help, but not trust his words and fall in love with him.

But all that turned into a nightmare when he uttered those words “It was a mistake loving you.”

It was like my worst nightmare coming true. I was devastated; I still gave him the benefit of doubt and assumed he hadn’t meant what he said. I tried to know what went wrong, but what he had to say hurt me even more. His reasons ranged from “I’m not good enough for you” to “I don’t love you like I used to.”

Looking back, perhaps I can see signs that he didn’t love me as much as I loved him. People keep telling me we just weren’t a good fit, but instead of being an over emotional drama queen in need of a major therapy, I brushed this kind of thing off and moved on.

He was my best friend. He loved me. He just didn’t want to spend the rest of his life with me. After dating me for more than a year, he realized that he had to let me go. I know he misses me, he is in pain. He probably can’t even explain to himself why I wasn’t right for him. He just knew that he had to move on.

Don’t try to change someone into the person you think you want them to be. Trying to change anyone to be your idea of perfect is a very dangerous thing to do.

You assume that you are going to get back together and that things will go back to how they used to be before things went south, you miss that setup and hope to recreate it. You want to feel the way you felt and love the way you loved. This, I’m afraid, is impossible.

So why not move forward? Move on with your life. Trust me it will get better, you will find someone with a great sense of humor. Just stop making this all about you.

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